


The Space Between Us

by wateronyx



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Lesbian Relationship, Catra-centric, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Canon, a few other characters appear but they don't have much impact, catra being angsty as always, melog is a snitch but like in the best way
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-29
Updated: 2020-05-29
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:08:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24441109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wateronyx/pseuds/wateronyx
Summary: Nothing was permanent. Her bliss couldn't last forever.One week after the destruction of the Heart, reality is beginning to catch up to Catra. Or, at least her insecurities are, and god knows they are real.
Relationships: Adora/Catra (She-Ra)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 260





	The Space Between Us

**Author's Note:**

> listen you cannot tell me catra isn't traumatized by that shit SW pulled in s2. that was MESSED UP

It had been a week since they had saved Etheria. A week in which Catra had moved in with Adora in the castle, a week in which numerous balls were thrown to celebrate the defeat of Horde Prime, a week in which numerous plans had been made to rebuild and a week in which, day by day, things were returning to normal. 

Normal for Adora and her friends, that was. None of it was normal for Catra. Normal for Catra was sleeping alone in a cold bed in a dark, empty room, on the nights when she could sleep. Normal was always being on edge, always tense, always watching her back. Normal was feeling dreadful all the time.

Normal was definitely not sleeping on a bed so soft she felt like she was sinking with every breath, and so big, and so full of pink, fluffy pillows. The only somewhat familiar thing about it was that that it was Adora’s bed.

She was sharing a bed with Adora again. It had been that way since her first night in the castle. They never discussed it. To Adora, it seemed to have been a given that Catra would be sleeping with her. That was how it had always been, after all. At first, Catra had been ecstatic that she could finally sleep next to Adora again. She would never admit it, but it was one of the things she had missed the most. Of course, she didn’t let that show, lest she break her cool, nonchalant facade.

Although she guessed that had already gone to shit the moment she made her big dramatic declaration of love to Adora. She kept it to herself, but she would lay awake every night, staring at the ceiling and replaying the whole scene in her mind. Adora always fell asleep quickly, whereas Catra had a hard time drifting off, and in the small moments of solitude that she got now, it had become a habit. And yes, since she and Adora never left each other’s side since they came to the castle, she considered the time when Adora was asleep to be a time of solitude. 

But no matter how many times she replayed it, it still didn’t feel real to Catra. It felt like one of the dreams she used to have after Adora left, where she would magically run back to her and tell her she would never abandon her and they would kiss and hug, and Catra would get a taste of the happiness she could have been feeling if the universe didn’t hate her so much. Dreams from which she always woke up.

Something tensed in her chest whenever she thought about that. Catra knew this wasn’t a dream. But the fear of waking up was ever-present, latched around her ankles like dark, shadowy shackles.

It hadn’t been that way at first. In the first few days, the ecstasy she felt from the planet being saved, from Adora telling her she loved her, from them being together and Catra finally getting what she had been yearning for years for had made her feel like life was perfect, made her feel so light she could fly.

The high was beginning to wear off. Catra was slowly, but surely, floating back down to Etheria. And every day, more and more memories of her fighting Adora were surfacing. More and more memories of her hurting Adora. They haunted her worse than those from Horde Prime, and that was because she had made them on her own accord. No one had pushed her to do those things. No one had forced her. She did them herself because she had wanted to. She had hurt Adora because she had wanted to. Adora, who was laying next to her in bed, completely relaxed, as if everything was alright.

It was an undeniable fact to Catra that Adora should not be there with her. Or, more accurately, she should not be there with Adora. Not after everything she had done. She couldn’t comprehend why no one else saw it the way she did.

That was a question that had been nagging at her mind for a few days. One that she wanted to ask Adora, but knew she couldn’t. How could she possibly forgive her after everything she had done when Catra couldn’t even begin to forgive herself.

She turned her head to look at the girl in question. Adora was sleeping peacefully, her chest slowly rising and falling with every breath. She seemed so relaxed, so carefree, so content, and she was so, so beautiful. Catra would never get over how beautiful she was. She had kicked the blanket down to her middle in her sleep. Catra hooked a claw through it and dragged it back to cover her shoulders.

She didn’t deserve Adora. She would never say that to her because she knew Adora would never agree, and it was a pointless argument. But that didn’t stop it from being true. How could no one else see that, how could anyone pretend she hadn’t done all of the cruel things she did, it was beyond her. Catra didn’t think they were actually as stupid as she liked to say they were.

Unless… no. She refused to entertain it. And yet, once the thought had popped up in her mind, she couldn’t push it down anymore. Catra remembered the last time she had felt this happy. Well, not this happy. She had never before felt this happy, but it came close.

Despite her perishing, Shadow Weaver was still very much alive inside of her head. She had been an intruder in her mind since she was a kid, and Catra knew she would never go away. And she had shown her a sort of happiness at one point, too.

Adora wasn’t like that, though. She was nothing like Shadow Weaver. But Adora and Shadow Weaver had always been linked in Catra’s mind, as much as she despised it. And despite her repeating in her mind that Adora would never lie to her, the holes in the matters where she had dug her claws said otherwise.

She didn’t know if the ache in her heart that surfaced every time she remembered it would ever go away. What terrified her, however, was the cold chill that was beginning to envelop her heart at the possibility that things might repeat.

They wouldn’t, though. Catra trusted Adora. She had proved she loved her so many times. There was no way she was pretending. 

Catra shook her head. She needed to stop being ridiculous. Why couldn’t she just enjoy the good things in her life? Perhaps this whole staying up and thinking thing wasn’t doing her any good.

With that thought, she let her eyes shut and allowed sleep to take her.

...

The bed was empty when she woke up. She could tell Adora was missing before opening her eyes. She could just feel it. The air was too open, and the breeze fell upon her fur too directly, and Adora’s warmth was missing.

That’s why she held off on opening her eyes right away, thinking that maybe, maybe she was wrong. She wasn’t. Adora was missing from her spot beside her for the first time since they started sharing the bed. Catra propelled herself up on her elbows and looked around the big room. It was eerily empty. The only sounds came from the waterfall, forever pouring, and the quiet swish of the breeze entering through the window.

“Adora?” she called out, although she didn’t have much hope in receiving an answer.

She concluded that Adora had gotten up before her and went somewhere else. Which was, like, totally fine. Catra had no problem with it at all. Adora could do whatever she wanted, after all. It would be stupid of her to stay in place because Catra still had beauty sleep to catch up on. It was very okay. No problem at all.

Catra knew it would happen anyway, eventually. It wasn’t like she and Adora were going to be joined at the hip forever. They would eventually start spending time apart, of course.

She just… wished it wouldn’t have happened so soon.

She made her way to the bathroom. Once she washed herself and put her clothes on, she decided to go looking for Adora. She was probably waiting for Catra to wake up and go after her.

Catra had managed to memorize most of the castle’s layout in the week she’d been there. However, it still seemed so big to her. All of the corridors were so similar and so, so bright. The first few days, Catra kept shielding her eyes from the reflecting light threatening to burn them. She was a lot more used to the dark, shadowy corridors of the Horde.

Catra first checked the dining room. There, she found Bow, who looked equally conflicted and guilty as he impaled a tower of pancakes with his fork. He extended one to her with his mouth full, to which she shook her head and strutted out. Next, she checked the training room. There, she found Glimmer, trying to beat up a mannequin with what appeared to be a broken leg chair. Glimmer didn’t notice her, too absorbed in obliterating the pile of hay, and since she didn’t spot Adora in there either, she walked out. Next, she checked the conference room. Next, she checked the ballroom. She even popped her head in the Throne Room, despite the shady looks the guards were giving her.

“No, I haven’t seen her,” Swift Wind said. “I have been here all day trying to inspire my fellow horses.” He shook his head, making his mane wave around his neck. The other horses were eating their hay, looking about as interested as a fourth-grader in math class.

“Do you have any idea where she could be? I’ve looked for her everywhere!” Catra threw her arms out. They had never been apart for this long since the war ended. What if she didn’t find Adora until, like, lunch? What was she going to do, spend time by herself? She had had enough of that.

Swift Wind looked her up and down. “You know, Catra, I think I know what you need.”

“What?” Catra deadpanned, staring at the bright, wide smile that was spreading on the horse’s mouth.

“Some fresh air!” Swift Wind exclaimed, opening his wings.

“What do you mean, I’m outside right n-”

“The Bright Moon Castle has the most beautiful garden!”

“Yeah, I’ve seen it-”

“Relaxing in it is utter bliss. There is nothing better you could do while waiting for Adora. And I assure you, if you relax and stop searching for her, she’s gonna find you!” He had the audacity to wink at her.

That sounded like the exact brand of bullshit Adora would perpetuate. No wonder they had a connection or whatever. Nevertheless, she made her way towards the garden, if only to shut Swift Wind up. 

The garden was, indeed, beautiful. But that wasn’t what caught Catra’s gaze. What caught Catra’s gaze was the head of blonde hair she could spot in the distance, sitting on one of the benches.

“Adora!” Catra all but jumped over and pounced on Adora.

“Catra!” Adora laughed, her face lighting up from Catra’s presence. She leaned back with Catra’s weight. Catra landed with her knees on the bench and clasped Adora’s hands in hers. She let go to wrap her arms around Adora and bury her head in her neck. Adora laughed and hugged her back, squeezing her middle in that way that still gave Catra butterflies.

They held each other for a few minutes, before Catra pulled away just enough to look Adora in the eyes, although she kept her arms hanging around Adora’s shoulders.

“What are you doing here?” she asked. She had been wondering what Adora was doing since the moment she woke up. Finding her in the garden of all places didn’t give her any clues.

Adora looked at her a few moments, as if she hadn’t processed what Catra said, before her eyes widened. “Oh! I just needed to get some fresh air.” She shrugged dismissively. 

Catra paused. There was plenty of fresh air in their room, in Catra’s opinion. Plus, they went outside every day. Why was it so imperative for Adora to ‘get fresh air’ right after she woke up? Why had she been sitting all alone on a bench in the garden for Catra-doesn’t-know-how-many hours?

Unless fresh air meant something else. Unless, fresh air meant time away from Catra. Catra clenched her jaw. No. Adora loved being around her. And even if she did want a little time away from her, so what? It was a normal thing. It was healthy to spend time with yourself, or so she’d heard. It didn’t mean anything. It didn’t mean Adora didn’t want to be around her. It was completely fine.

“Hello? Etheria to Catra?” Adora waved her hand in front of her face, pulling her out of her head.

Catra blinked. “Yeah?” she asked, refocusing on the Adora in front of her, rather than the one in her mind.

A small smile pulled at Adora’s lips. “It seemed like I lost you there for a minute,” she said. “What were you thinking about?”

“Nothing!” Catra answered, way too quick to be believable.

Adora’s smile turned into a grin. “You can admit you were thinking about how much you love me, you know? Now that we’re together and all,” she waved a theatrical hand around. 

Catra fumed. “I was NOT!” she yelled, pulling away from Adora, but Adora caught her elbows and pulled her back into her embrace, laughing.

And it was fine. And clearly, Adora wanted her around. Clearly, Adora loved her. Catra just wished the thoughts simmering at the back of her mind could understand that.

...

“Hey Catra,” Adora turned to her as Catra walked inside the central hall.

“Hi Adora,” Catra said, coming up to her girlfriend.  _ Girlfriend _ . The word still made her heart flutter every time she thought about it, never mind how it exploded every time Adora said it. 

Adora was sitting next to one of the pillars, seeming unsure of her next move. Catra didn’t miss how Glimmer had exited through another door as she walked in, but she didn’t give any meaning to it. She had been hanging out with Scorpia, who had come to visit. At first, they had all come to greet her, and they had all hung out for hours. But as time passed, Netossa, Spinnerella, and Frosta couldn’t stay anymore and left. After that, it became clear that Catra and Scorpia wanted some time alone. They still had a lot of things to talk about, which they hadn’t found the moment to do between all the ruckus following the destruction of the Heart. Scorpia never explicitly told anyone to leave them alone, of course she didn’t, but one by one, everyone except for Catra slithered out of the room.

Catra was glad she got to talk alone with Scorpia. It was something she had wanted to do for a long time. She appreciated the friendship Scorpia had showed her, and she wanted to make sure she knew that, even if she had done a bad job showing it in the past. A disastrous job. Of course, Scorpia forgave her, which she knew she would from the beginning. And even if Catra herself wasn’t ready yet to accept that forgiveness, she was glad to have her friend back.

Now, however, Scorpia had gone to reunite with Perfuma, and Catra had gone hunting for Adora, who she managed to find much easier this time around. Due to Scorpia’s arrival, they hadn’t spent nearly any time just the two of them, and despite feeling overjoyed by talking to her friend again, she had missed Adora.

“How’d it go?” Adora asked her

“She said it was fine. Which, I mean, it isn’t, but I’m glad I get to be her friend again,” Catra said, rubbing at a sore spot behind her neck.

Adora furrowed her brows. “Catra, I told you-”

“I know, I know,” Catra cut her off. The last thing she wanted was to have this conversation again.

Adora stayed silent, and Catra elected to gaze down at the obnoxiously crystalline floor instead of looking into those sad eyes of hers.

“Hey, wanna go watch Bow practice in the training room?” Catra pointed to the door she had just come through. It was really just an excuse to change the subject and hang out with Adora.

Adora’s eyes widened, before a sheepish smile overtook her lips. “Oh, ah, I kind of have something to do right now.”

Catra looked at her. “Oh, ok. I can come help you.”

Adora pressed her lips into a thin line. “Um, you can’t, I, I have to do it alone.”

“Why not? What is it?” Catra stepped forward, her eyes crinkling in worry.

Adora gave her an apologetic look. “Sorry. I just- You can’t come with me.”

Catra tried to ignore the way her stomach knotted. “I don’t understand.”

“I’m sorry. Look, once I’m done, we can go do whatever you want, ok?” Adora gave her a tentative smile.

Catra begrudgingly returned it, if only for Adora. A few moments later, Adora left the room through the same door Glimmer had.

The pillars in the castle were so shiny, Catra could see her reflection in them. The face staring back at her right then, well, it was not one of her favorites. Adora and her always did everything together. Well, except for when Adora decided to join the princess rebellion, that was. But now, they were as attached as they had been when they were kids. Catra always wanted to do everything with Adora. And, well, it was fine if Adora wanted to do some things on her own.

But why couldn’t she even tell Catra what it was? Why was she keeping secrets from her? Did she not trust Catra? Was Catra untrustworthy? 

Was she afraid Catra could still turn against them? The thought pained her, but she would probably think the same thing if she was in their position.

Catra was feeling the certainty of Adora’s love for her slip through her fingers. The feeling was new, but the hold she had had never been that strong to begin with. She had yearned for Adora’s love for so long and had been so sure she wouldn’t get it, that now that she had it, it felt so, so fragile. Catra always felt like she was one wrong step away from losing it.

She didn’t want to let it slip her hold so easily.

...

Catra was starting to feel desperate.

In the following days, she clung to Adora like a cat with abandonment issues. Which wasn’t unusual, but she intensified it this time. She helped Adora with everything, and she was as nice as she could be to Adora.

She always held Adora’s hand. She opened every single door for Adora. She had her arms wrapped around Adora’s neck more often than not. She was constantly giving Adora compliments, instead of calling her an idiot or a dumbass. All of these, of course, didn’t go unnoticed by Adora.

“Catra, what’s going on?” Adora asked her as she gave her the eleventh perplexed look that day.

“What do you mean?” Catra leaned around Adora’s neck to look at her.

“I mean… this sounds like a stupid question, but why are you being so nice? Did something happen?”

Catra blinked. “Am I not allowed to be nice to my girlfriend?”

“Well, yeah, but this isn’t like you,” Adora said

“I’m just-I-” Catra stuttered. Whatever answer she gave Adora, it wouldn’t be the right one.

Adora seemed to sense her panic, because she relaxed and crossed her arms over her chest, a smug grin playing on her lips. “You just can’t get enough of me, can you?” 

Catra jumped. “What?! No!” 

Adora burst into laughter. “I was kidding, Catra.” She stopped and gave Catra a peck on the cheek. “I love you too.”

Catra blushed.

The day was going fine until Glimmer appeared.

“Adora!” she shouted, sprinting up to them. Adora immediately perked up at her sudden presence.

“Yeah?” she asked 

“We have to talk, about the thing, come on,” she grabbed Adora’s hand and pulled on it. Catra tightened her hold around Adora’s waist.

“Oh, yeah, let’s go,” Adora answered, about to follow Glimmer, before she realized Catra was still holding onto her.

“Where are we going?” Catra asked, looking between the two.

“Oh, um.” Adora turned, releasing herself from her hold. “This is kinda something between me and Glimmer. Could you leave us a moment?” Catra crinkled her eyes. “Please?” Adora pleaded.

“What? But why?” Catra asked

“It’s just. You can’t know, ok?” Adora said, looking anywhere but at Catra.

It was happening again.

Catra felt an uncomfortable sting in her chest. “But why? I don’t understand, Adora. Why are you keeping secrets from me?” She looked straight into Adora’s eyes, hoping she could see the anger she felt.

Adora’s face dropped. “Catra, I’m not keeping secrets from you, I just-”

“You just what?” Catra yelled. “You just don’t trust me?!”

“I do trust you!” Adora immediately retorted.

“Yeah, sure feels like it.” Catra crossed her arms over her chest.

“Catra…” Adora gave her a sad look.

Catra was not impressed. “You know what? Forget it, Adora.” She turned around and walked out of the room.

If Adora or Glimmer called after her, she didn’t care to respond.

...

If Adora didn’t want to spend time around Catra, Catra wasn’t about to force her. Two people could play this game, she told herself.

The truth was that Catra was playing herself more than anyone else by distancing herself from Adora, but that wasn’t a fact she was ready to face yet. In Catra’s mind, at that moment, it was the only thing she could do. What other options did she have? Continue hanging around Adora, just like before, now fully knowing that Adora didn’t want her around? Yeah, no, she wasn’t that tragic of a person. If Adora wanted to do whatever with Glimmer and wanted Catra to leave her alone, she would.

Ever since that incident, Catra had been avoiding Adora. She had stopped hanging around her. Had stopped talking to her. Had stopped being affectionate with her. It was hard to avoid Adora, since now they both lived in the castle, not to mention they shared a bedroom and a bed, but Catra was determined.

Of course, her sudden coldness had not gone unnoticed by Adora, or anyone else, for that matter. Catra could feel all of their eyes on her. But no one had tried talking to her. Maybe that was the point. Maybe they were all just waiting for the moment that she would get fed up and leave. Maybe that was the plan. Maybe that had been the plan from the beginning.

Shaking those thoughts was becoming harder and harder.

Lunch had been a particularly grueling experience. Catra had managed to successfully dodge breakfast, but had failed to steal food before lunch. There she was, sitting at the dining table at her usual spot, next to Adora. And, well, it had been awkward at first. Catra was berating herself for not just skipping lunch altogether. There was a thick uncomfortable feeling enveloping the table, and Catra knew they were all sneaking glances at her. A few minutes later, however, Bow struck a conversation with Glimmer, and the two started talking, and the tension had dissipated, at least on their side.

Catra thought that maybe she could escape the encounter unscathed, before Adora turned to her.

“What’s going on?” she whispered to Catra, as if she was utterly clueless.

“Nothing’s going on.” Catra pointedly stared at her food.

“Catra, talk to me,” Adora’s voice softened. She was holding her palms in her lap.

“There’s nothing to talk about, Adora,” Catra raised her voice. She didn’t miss how Glimmer and Bow’s conversation briefly halted, but they quickly resumed it, as if they were purposefully ignoring them.

Adora took Catra’s hand in hers. Catra shivered. She snapped her hand back and got up from the chair. “Why won’t you just let me be, Adora?! Isn’t it clear I don’t wanna talk to you?!” she narrowed her eyes.

“Catra!” Adora’s voice hardened, latched with frustration and disappointment.

Catra could not stand it. “I. Don’t. Care!” she shouted before she ran out of the room.

...

The dark seeped through Etheria as the night advanced, and the once clear mountain peaks across the horizon were becoming blurry and uncertain shapes in the fog of the darkness. The fact that Catra could still see them at all was a testament to her light-sensitive eyes.

Catra was perched up on a windowsill, looking out at the landscape in front of the castle. She wasn’t exactly sure what the room she was hiding in was, but it was empty, and that was all that mattered to Catra. She leaned her head against the glass and felt the faint taste of the cold outside seeping through, freezing the side of her head, but she was too tired to care.

Misplaced was a good word to describe the way she felt. She didn’t know what she was doing there anymore. Why she was in the castle. Why had she ever thought that she could live as some hero? It had seemed possible, in the beginning, where the immense levels of adrenaline coursing through her body kept her from forming any logical thought. But now that things had settled down, it just felt wrong.

She kept trying to tell herself that Adora wasn’t the type of person to do that. She wouldn’t lie to Catra like that. She wouldn’t. She was way too nice and way too noble and way too kind.

Which were the exact reasons why it was stupid to believe that she could ever even love Catra in the first place. Catra was none of that. She was mean and annoying and rude, and she had absolutely no grip on her emotions whatsoever, and everyone could see what kind of disastrous consequences that created. She didn’t belong next to Adora.

Especially not after everything that she had done. The forgiveness that everyone showed her, she couldn’t accept it. No matter how many times they reiterated it. They couldn’t possibly be that stupid. She was beginning to doubt the sincereness of it all. If not even Catra could forgive herself for what she had done, how could Adora?

And after everything that had happened, Catra was beginning to doubt Adora loved her at all. Maybe it was all a lie. Maybe it was all a ruse. Maybe it was all a joke. The thought was harder and harder to push down. It gripped at every insecurity Catra had (and there were a lot) and used them to rise to the forefront of her mind. It was a painful, ugly thought, and it fit right in with the rest of Catra’s conscience.

But why would Adora do that? Maybe it was pure malice. Maybe Adora had a dark, sinister side that Catra couldn’t see because she was too dumb and too in love with her, and it wouldn’t be the first time she was fooled like that. Maybe it was to keep Catra under control, to give her what she wanted, so there was no chance of her defecting. To keep her living in a happy lie. Maybe Adora had genuinely felt like she loved her, at the Heart, but had since realized that it wasn’t true, and that it had been just a spur of the moment thing, and was now regretting it but kept going along with it because she didn’t know how to get out. Maybe she was afraid of hurting Catra by telling her the truth. 

Catra was terrified by all the possibilities, but the first one was the one that sent a cold shiver down her spine and made her unconsciously drag her claws against the glass. She would never forget what Shadow Weaver did. It didn’t matter that she was dead. It didn’t matter how happy she could one day get. It burned her heart and left a scar the would never fade. The fact that it could happen again, that it was already happening, it made her dinner ride up her esophagus.

She had felt like a fool back then. Scratch that, she had been a fool. And she hadn’t learned anything. What if Adora was doing the same thing? What if they all were? What if everybody knew? What if they were all in on it and laughing behind her back every day?

How could she be that much of an idiot to believe Adora would ever actually love her? To think anyone could ever forgive her? Of course they wouldn’t. Of course not. 

It took every ounce of Catra’s self-control to not shatter all the vases decorating the sides of the room, and even then, she only held herself back because she knew it would attract attention.

She should just leave. She could slither out of the castle under the cover of the night and lose herself in the Whispering Woods. They wouldn’t find her. Maybe they wouldn’t even look for her.

Catra was startled out of her lapsing by the door busting open. She turned to see Melog strutting inside the room, followed by a very angry looking Adora.

Damn Melog, that snitch.

“Catra, what’s going on?” Adora wasted no time in questioning her. She clenched her fists at her sides, and the situation was uncomfortably familiar to Catra. “Why are you avoiding me?”

Catra took a deep breath. Yes, she was working on her anger issues. No, she was not where she wanted to be yet. “Nothing is going on,” she said through clenched teeth. She wished her words could somehow make Adora disappear.

Adora’s face remained unaffected, as if made of stone. “Catra, you know I don’t believe that. What’s wrong?” she pushed.

Catra looked at Adora. Adora looked at Catra. She knew Adora was too stubborn to just give up. She could tell from the determined look in Adora’s eyes that she wasn’t going to just leave. Adora had come there with a mission, much to Catra’s dismay.

Why did Adora have to be like that? Why did she have to act like everything was her job? Why did she always have to act like she was responsible for everything? Catra just wanted some peace. She didn’t want Adora all up her tail. Especially when Adora was the problem herself.

“Adora, what do I have to do to get you to leave me alone?!” Adora’s face dropped, and she instantly felt regret flood her body, but it was too late to take it back. Her chest rose and fell with heavy breaths, and she felt hot all over. 

Adora didn’t say anything. She looked at Catra, but the latter failed to catch her gaze. She didn’t show any emotion. She didn’t react. She just looked at her, and Catra could tell she was contemplating in her mind. Catra wished she would contemplate to finally leave. And also that she would contemplate to stay. Catra didn’t know anymore. Her outburst had released some of the tension from her body, and an empty, cold feeling took its place.

“Okay,” Adora said. And then she did the last thing Catra expected her to do. She turned around and walked back towards the door.

Catra was sure she was hallucinating. Adora never gave up on anything ever. She had a fiery determination that never burned out. And despite being the one who had just screamed at her to leave, seeing Adora walk away left a biter emptiness in her stomach.

Well, clearly, her suspicions were right.

Catra’s head throbbed as she let her gaze fall to the floor.

Before Adora reached the door, Melog jumped in front of her. Catra clenched her jaw as she noticed. The feline advanced towards Adora, blocking her path, and she halted, looking at the animal with confusion.

“Melog, come back,” Catra ordered, already thinking about giving them up for adoption.

Melog paid her no mind. They nudged Adora’s thigh, beaconing her back towards Catra. Adora seemed a little hesitant, but she obliged, walking back. Her stance was more relaxed than before, and Melog came up to sit beside the two of them.

Catra was definitely giving them up for adoption.

“Melog, can’t you tell Adora doesn’t want to be here?! Just let her leave!” she shouted, exasperated and exhausted. Melog took a step back and bowed their head.

Adora narrowed her eyes. “Catra, how can you say that?! How-how can you possibly think that? I’ve been trying to get you to talk to me the entire day!”

Catra’s headache was getting worse. Before she fully realized what was happening, her vision became blurry.

There was no stopping the tears now. Catra was compromised. She sniffed, her nose already clogged. “Adora, you don’t have to pretend you care about me.”

Adora didn’t say anything. Catra couldn’t take the silence. It pushed her to continue, it made her feel obligated to fill it. “It’s fine. I’m used to being hated. But I don’t want to be treated like a fool.”

Adora remained silent, and Catra risked a glance at her. Adora’s eyes were wide, and she was looking at Catra as if she had just punched her in the face.

“Catra, that is not true,” she said firmly.

“How can it not be? There’s no way you can love me after everything that I’ve done. There just isn’t.”

“Catra, I always loved you, and I always will. I don’t care about your mistakes- I mean, I do, but they’re in the past. We can get over them. We can move forward.” She took a step towards Catra, shrinking the space between the two even more. If Catra would extend her arm, she could rest her elbow on Adora’s shoulder. But she didn’t do that. She looked at Adora, uncertainty filling her eyes. “Catra, I-how can you not believe me? I came to save you, we both destroyed the Heart…”

Catra lowered her gaze to the floor. “I know.”

There was a beat of silence before Adora spoke again, much softer this time. “But it’s still hard to believe.”

Catra nodded.

There was silence again, but Catra felt the energy shift in Adora. She was calmer, and her calm seeped into Catra, slowly evaporating the tension in her shoulders. And maybe Adora’s words played a part in it, too.

“Sometimes, I have doubts, too,” Adora said.

Catra’s head shot up. “What? Adora, you know I love you! I’ve loved you since forever, I-I love you more than anything in the world!” Her mouth spoke faster than her mind could think, because it was imperative to assure Adora that her love was real. It was more real than anything Catra had ever known. The fact itself that Adora could doubt that pained her in a way she couldn’t describe.

“I know,” Adora said.

Understanding fell over Catra as Adora gave her a small smile.

“I may have doubts too, but I trust you. I know you would never lie to me, I know they’re just my insecurities speaking to me.” Adora’s voice was calm and sincere.

There was a part of Catra that still wanted to argue with Adora. There was a part of her that still couldn’t accept the forgiveness she was graced with. But she pushed it down, because she knew Adora was right. “I know they aren’t true, too. I know you would never lie to me like that.” She admitted as her tail swished the dust off the floor behind her. “That doesn’t make them disappear, though.”

“I know,” Adora said, a twinge of sadness seeping into her tone. “But Catra, I’ll make you believe it. I promise.”

Catra decided to trust Adora.

...

After Catra calmed down, they made their way back to their room. It was long past the time they would usually go to sleep, and at this point, they both knew they wouldn’t be up until noon.

It was worth it though, in Catra’s opinion, if it meant she didn’t have to spend any more nights staring at the crystal ceiling and wondering whether Adora loved her or not.

As the big, heavy door closed behind Catra, however, she remembered something. “W-Wait, then what was that whole thing with Glimmer about?”

Adora turned to her. “What thing with Glimmer?”

“You know, when you told me to leave because you had to talk to her?” Catra explained, and she knew maybe she was exaggerating, but she couldn’t get it off her mind.

A look of realization spread across Adora’s face. “Ooh, oh, yeah, um, that.” She rubbed the back of her neck as she looked away from Catra. “Um, it was nothing, don’t worry.”

Catra studied Adora, with concern slowly overtaking her face. Adora seemed to realize this because she dropped her shoulders and let out a sigh. “Ok, we were kinda, um, preparing a surprise for you.”

Oh.  _ Oh. _ Catra paused, keeping her eyes trailed on Adora’s.

“Yeah. We were gonna show you a few days later.” She paused, taking a look around the room. “But, I guess now since you know, I might as well give it to you. We actually hid it in this room.” She started walking towards the desk.

Catra snapped out of her shock. “Huh, hiding a surprise in the same room I sleep in? That’s not very smart, you know.” She crossed her arms across her chest as a smile spread across her face. There was no malice in her words though, like other, bygone times.

Adora gave her a dry laugh before she pulled something out of one of the drawers. “Ok, um, close your eyes.”

“What? No! What if you have a spray bottle there?!” Catra protested.

“Catra!”

“Fine!”

Catra closed her eyes, and she heard Adora approach. “Ok, open.”

She opened her eyes. Adora was in front of her, holding a small figurine scene in her palms. It was a small scene of all of them: Adora, Catra, Bow, Glimmer, even Melog was included. They looked goofy, and the level of resemblance to themselves was questionable, and Catra instantly loved it.

She trailed her eyes from the figurines up to Adora’s face, all bright and smiling and eager for Catra’s reaction. “I-I-”

“Do you like it? Bow made them,” Adora asked, her eyes sparkling in the dark room.

Catra gave her a meek bump on the shoulder. “Of course I like it.” She smiled softly. Melog started rubbing against Adora’s feet, causing a laugh to erupt from the girl.

Adora let the figurines rest on the desk next to them, and then wrapped her arms around Catra. Catra returned the hug, burying her face in the crook of her neck.

She only pulled away a few moments later to give Adora a kiss. They had an entire day of kisses to catch up on, after all.

**Author's Note:**

> i love how melog gets no appreciation for basically being their relationship coach... i'm sorry melog ;-;


End file.
